It is Good To Learn Gratitude

It’s Thanksgiving Day, which in American culture usually means time reserved for family and friends, football and shopping.  But at its core, Thanksgiving is about gratitude.  While we should express gratitude every day of the year, we set aside this day to focus on the need to give thanks for what we have and for the kindness that others bestow on us and those dear to us.

Gratitude isn’t intuitive.  Babies don’t start life by sharing what they have; they must be taught by their parents to share.  Even when we become adults, we are challenged to overcome the impulse to protect what we have and block others from taking what we think we might need for ourselves.  Whether its due to our instinct for self-preservation or simply our nature to act in our own interests, it’s true that gratitude is something that must be learned.  It’s an acquired skill.

The Torah underscores this idea when the People of Israel are explicitly told to express gratitude for the bounty of the land and the material blessings they receive when they enter the land that God promised to the descendants of Abraham and begin to reap its many tangible blessings.  In fact, they are given a script for what to say when they bring a portion of what they harvest as an offering to God.

How do we cultivate an “attitude of gratitude?”  In his book A Code of Jewish Ethics (volume 1), Rabbi Joseph Telushkin offers numerous specific instructions on how to become a grateful person.  He writes that gratitude is rooted in remembrance, and that therefore we must make a conscious effort to remember the good things that others have done for us and for our loved ones.  As a personal practice, he recommends that we keep a journal of the good things that have been done for us, being careful not to overlook even the smallest gesture.  We can begin to cultivate an attitude of gratitude by being mindful of the times that we have benefited from someone treating us with kindness and consideration.

To Rabbi Telushkin’s comprehensive list, I would add two ideas.  First, when we do something kind or generous for another person, we should never expect anything in return.  This is a virtue expressed in Pirkei Avot, where we are taught not to fulfill a mitzvah in order to receive a reward.  Whether a reward might be forthcoming from God or from a human companion, we should never do something in order to store up good deeds owed to us.

Second, when cultivating an attitude of gratitude, we should look for role models of generosity.  All around us there are people who give of themselves constantly and selflessly out of a genuine desire to help others.  We have all met such people.  Perhaps we have been moved and inspired by their work, and perhaps we have causally overlooked them.  Sometimes they are given notoriety and sometimes they perform their work in anonymity.  We should seek out these people and hold them out as role models of generosity.  Such people will inspire us to give of ourselves.

On this Thanksgiving, I wish you a restful and memorable day.  May it be an occasion to begin (or continue) the practice of being mindful of the acts of generosity that come our way.  May we each do an inventory of the ways we are (and could be) helpful and generous with others.  And may we cultivate an attitude of gratitude that will be with us for a lifetime.

I offer this Thanksgiving kavanah (meditation) by Rabbi Debra.  Perhaps you might read its words at the dinner table, or contemplate them privately.

Tov l’hodot la-Adonai…it is good to give thanks.

To lift our eyes upward.

To hillsides still draped in deep browns and maroons of late autumn,

A rich, fleeting beauty before winter’s snows.


Tov l’hodot It is good to give thanks.

To inhale the crisp air Laced with woodsmoke and peat,

To feel welcome warmth as we venture inside,

To sniff the aromas of savory gravies,

of nutmeg and cinnamon, berries and wine.

Tov l’hodot It is good to give thanks.

To be seated at tables with friends and with family,

To join hands and embrace,

To share smiles and stories,

To count all our blessings,

To recall cherished loved ones who no longer sit here,

Grateful for memories and the gift of their lives.

Tov l’hodot It is good to give thanks.

For the land that we live in with its promise of freedom and justice for all.

For the visions we share and the strength that You give us

To work as Your partners To fix what is broken,

To bring healing and hope To those in despair.

Tov l’hodot It is good to give thanks.

For this joyous gathering,

For coming together to praise the Creator,

Extending our hands and raising our voices in chorus as one.

One thought on “It is Good To Learn Gratitude

  1. This is a beautiful message that I will share with my co-workers at the Jewish Federation of Greater Portland. I miss you all and send love – Barbara Gray

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