Learning Through Listening

Listening is at the core of meaningful, productive human relationships.  There is virtually no end to the impact on our lives of genuine listening.  We tend to see others through a pre-determined lens, sometimes based on their appearance or sometimes based on small bits of information we may know about someone or the community of which they are a part, and that is not conducive to building and sustaining productive relationships.

We all need to engage in reflective listening, a practice that increases our connection to another person with whom we are in conversation by allowing them to finish speaking before replying, by always making eye contact, by putting aside a smartphone or pen, or by replying to what someone is saying rather than starting a new thread by making a new comment.

As I think about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, I realize that none of us living here in America can break the logjam in the Middle East and bring peace to Israeli and Palestinians.  This anguished conflict, nearly a century-long, is deep-seated, and a solution is made elusive by history, by ideologically fragmented societies (both Israeli and Palestinian), and by an absence of courageous and visionary leadership on both sides.  Any solution will require enormous risks for both parties.  Still, we can’t look on helplessly and hopelessly.  What can we do?

As a first step, people can engage in reflective listening.  It’s not always pleasant or uplifting to listen to someone else’s narrative.  We’re quick to discount it and overturn it with our own facts because we want to emerge as victors in our struggle to be vindicated and proven right.  But the Palestinians need to listen to our narrative, our story of connection to the Land of Israel, and we need to listen to theirs.  Listening does not obligate either side to accept every element of the other’s story.  But we’ve seen that when people do not listen to one another, even if they don’t agree with what the other has to say, the boundaries between us remain high and unbreachable.

Lest you think that this idea is naïve, there is an organization called Encounter, that brings people together to listen.  As they describe their mission, Encounter is a nonpartisan educational organization cultivating more informed and constructive Jewish leadership on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. They say, “We enable deeply committed Jewish influencers to encounter firsthand the people, perspectives and challenges at the heart of the conflict. Our programs inspire new perspectives, new conversations and new approaches to the conflict.”

I was on a one-day Encounter in Bethlehem several years ago and felt it was a very thoughtfully constructed and productive experience.  Jews spent time listening to Palestinians share their perspectives on the condition of their lives and the conflict.  I did not agree with everything I heard.  At times I thought that the person speaking was mired in their own version of reality.  I expressed my views in a polite and respectful manner when it was my turn to speak.  The idea of an open and honest dialogue was refreshing and welcome.

My wife Amy was on a 4-day Encounter last year with a group of Jewish leaders, including Melanie Gorelick.  Melanie is the Senior Vice President of the Jewish Council for Public Affairs (JCPA), and for a decade was the Director of the Community Relations Council of the Jewish Federation of Greater MetroWest.  The 4-day Encounter is, of course, a much more extensive and thorough experience, providing for many reflections and impressions.

I invite you to Oheb Shalom this Friday evening when Amy and Melanie will talk about their visit to the West Bank. I want to stress that their talk is not about finding a political solution to the Israel-Palestinian conflict, nor is it about urging us to take sides. It’s about the crucial importance of learning through listening.

Our service begins at 8:00 PM and the discussion and Q & A led by Amy and Melanie will begin at 8:30 PM. All are welcome, and I hope you will join us.

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